


Tremors of the Past

by LuciferxDamien



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alcoholic Saitou, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 19:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18556450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferxDamien/pseuds/LuciferxDamien
Summary: Saitou gets caught during a moment of weakness.





	Tremors of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Shiritori, on the [writetomyheart LJ comm](https://writetomyheart.livejournal.com/). My starting words were: _“He looks down and realizes his hands are shaking”_.

He looked down and realized his hands were shaking and he had to let out an uneasy breath. Saitou wasn’t alone and right now was _not_ a good time for this, but he would endure, folding his hands into his lap as he sat in seiza. 

What a rotten night, his plans ruined, his routine disrupted and he was paying the worst price for it now. 

What terrible luck, to run into Himura, after a day where he had been forced to draw his blade. Much to the disbelief of others, Saitou did not relish in needing to draw his sword and spill blood. It was a waste and a mess he would rather not have to deal with, but as one that had spent much of his life upholding the law, so that others could live in peace, he was not afforded the luxury of living as he truly wished to. 

It was raining heavily and no one would allow him to leave the Kamiya dojo until it let up, because he looked so pale. Saitou swallowed hard, hoping that the Tanuki woman’s notoriously poor kitchen skills did not extend to making tea… 

It wouldn’t be enough to quell the shaking, but at least it would give him something warm and something to hold while he meditated on calming himself. 

But damn Himura and his woman and that child and _Sagara Sanosuke_. It was bad enough they forced him into the dojo with them, but made all the worse when they refused to let him stay in a room all on his own. 

_“Saitou-san… You don’t look well, that you don’t,”_ the meddling redhead told him. 

_“You should stay with us in the dojo, we’ll have a party!”_ the Tanuki woman chimed in. 

_“Does that soggy old wolf even know how to enjoy himself…”_ the boy said, and it was Sanosuke that knocked him over the head before the Tanuki woman had a chance. 

_“I am fine… I just need to rest,”_ Saitou had insisted, about to leave and find his own place to sleep in the compound when another voice spoke. 

_“C’mon, Saitou… Stay in here, with us, an’ eat somethin’, dry off. Then maybe think about restin’ up,”_ Sanosuke said, looking at him with big, dark eyes and even if Saitou still felt he had authority in their relationship, he knew better than to argue with that look. 

And _that_ had felt like betrayal. If Sanosuke wanted to sneak off and lay with him, bed him until the dawn broke, then _fine_. Saitou could tolerate that, welcome it even. If he was shaking and unsteady, at least he could blame it on the sex and being rutted so roughly, but that… To be told to sit and dry off and stay with the others… 

His jaw ached, set tight as he stared at the wall, fingers curling into a fist as he took in another shaky breath. He _could_ have left and gone home, looking like a drowned rat and eliciting his wife’s ire, but at least at home, after she was done chastising him, he could have a moment of privacy, a moment to drink from his hidden— 

“Here…” Sanosuke whispered and Saitou was startled, opening his eyes and seeing what it was that was being offered to him. 

Sake. 

Saitou swallowed hard, trying not to look desperate for it, but he smiled with upturned eyes and made the foolish mistake of raising an unsteady hand to refuse the drink. “Thank you, but I don’t drink…” 

“Yeah, y’do, Saitou.” There wasn’t even a trace of hesitation in the young man’s voice and Saitou was even more unnerved. 

“Does Tokio know?” he asked, there was little point in denying it and he took the ochoko and hoped no one else saw the way his hand shook and threatened to spill the sake. 

“Of course she does. She ain’t blind, Saitou. Who d’ya think told me, anyway?” 

“Of course…” Saitou sighed, taking a sip and hating how he started to feel better. He was pathetic to be bound to the drink but… 

“I heard about what happened t’day, out at the port. Everyone said it was a real mess…” Sanosuke sighed and sat down next to him, almost as if blocking the others from seeing him, a shield. “Are ya… Are ya all right, Hajime?” 

Sanosuke rarely used his first name and Saitou tried not to read too deeply into it, drinking down the sake and setting the ochoko down, away from himself. “I’m fine. It’s my job,” he whispered back, feeling more steady as he reached into his kimono for his cigarettes and… 

Ah. He had none, because he had worn his police uniform this morning, which was currently being washed of blood, or maybe the damned thing should just be burned from the stench of the port. The whole entire thing had been a disaster, months of work undone in an afternoon and he was angry, but he still didn’t desire or relish drawing his blade and it mattered little what he desired. 

Saitou had been the only one to walk away from the fight, covered in blood when the other officers arrived. They were rather horrified and Saitou didn’t give a damn, barking orders and demanding a change of clothing be brought to him as he stalked off toward the nearest bath house. The officer, a young one, that had brought him the kimono had been clever enough to go to Saitou’s home ask his wife for it, explaining the situation, so that she did not worry after him. 

Saitou spent far too long in the bath house, however, washing away the blood and soaking in the water until nightfall. Rain had begun to come down, and then there… There was Himura and the others and… And Sanosuke. He’d have much rather convinced Sanosuke to follow him home, but the others insisted the dojo was much closer and… And even Sanosuke had urged him to the dojo, instead. 

An arm came around Saitou’s shoulders and he tensed immediately, but Sanosuke pulled him closer, running his fingers through his short, black hair. “I’m sorry, Hajime…” 

“It’s… It’s fine. It’s my life and I am proud to serve as such.” 

“I know… But let me hold ya anyway?” Sanosuke asked. 

He hesitated, the others kicking up a ruckus, the boy being obnoxious, but Saitou sighed, rooting himself. “Thank you…” He breathed in Sanosuke’s scent and relaxed, his hands feeling more steady. It had been a rotten day, but he was starting to feel better.


End file.
